does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
