I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
