Someone shit on the floor
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
