My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
