All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
