I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
