At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
