this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
