If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
