I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
