party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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