In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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