Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize