maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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