Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
