Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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