I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
