tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
