Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
