the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
