The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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