apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
