so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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