eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
