dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
