when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
