I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
