hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just high enough for therapy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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