I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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