Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
