if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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