he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
