Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize