You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
