Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
