How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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