We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
