Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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