dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
