We're like a lot better than the average bears
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
