we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
