Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
