I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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