My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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