just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
