I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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