you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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