At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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