i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
