you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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