If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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