we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
