Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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