You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
