3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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