I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
