You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
