his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
