you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
