It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
