He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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