A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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