Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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