next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
