I wannas sexs uuuuu
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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