What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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