In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Success! We fucked roommates!
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