Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
