Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
