This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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